As a online dating webmasters, I get emails asking me how to detect a scammer. It is tough. When a member joins a site, they don’t put in their profile, “hey, I’m joining so I can try to scam money from other members”. Only after they try to commit the scamming deed do we know their true intentions. When that happens, it should be reported to the webmaster.
The following list was my guideline when looking for online dating love. Each person’s judgment varies and ultimately are responsible for their own decisions. The following has no guarantees, but if it works for you so be it.
1. Don’t send money to a person you are getting to know. During the getting to know each other stages, money should not be a topic. My wife never asked me for a dime during our courtship. Only after time invested in getting to know each other and marriage was discussed did we talk about expenses. Major financial decisions should be reserved for when the relationship is beyond the get to know each other stage and is heading for marriage. Only you can decide when that is.
2. Time is your ally. Most scammers do not like to exchange a lot of emails when their main objective is to get money. They want to get as much money in the short amount of time they can. In other words, they usually are not into long courtships, not unless that courtship includes you sending money on a regular basis.
3. Template letters or emails is usually a sign. If an email seems like it could of been copied and pasted to send to anyone, a red flag should be waving in front of your eyes. If they are not at least addressing some identifiable information about you when replying to your email, be careful.
4. Chatting — this is not the case for all, but I have to address it. Most scammers want to get you in an intimate conversation as soon as possible. They love to invite you to chat knowing they can pull at your heart strings in real time and learn if you are a mark or not. Personally, I would want to exchange several emails and even letters before chatting. There may be one exception to this, but I would still limit my time. If I suspected the person’s photo may not be who they say they are, I would want to chat with a webcam, but only do so for 5 or 10 minutes. Again, I’d rather invest time to getting to know each other by email or letter and if the other person is interested in you, they will also want to equally invest their time.
5. Endearments — why would anyone be calling another person, honey, sweetheart, lover, etc, within a few emails or within a short amount of time? First, it is disrespectful. When I was courting my wife and if I would of called her sweetheart after only a few emails she would of walked away. She doesn’t care for that type of arrogance and would take it as an insult to the Filipino culture. Respectful Filipina ladies are aware of the stereotypes and any man who tries to exploit another lady based on misguided cultural believes is not a gentleman. The same goes for ladies. If they are calling you honey, sweetie, etc, within a few emails or while chatting early in a relationship, I would be careful. It is not appropriate or the right time. If you are calling someone sweetheart early on in a relationship and they happen to be a scammer, you just made their job easier. Use words that is appropriate for the relationship stage you are involved in out of respect for their culture and to protect yourself from being a mark for a scammer.
The above is not all inclusive, but may help those who need some guidance. With that said, there are no definitive rules when it comes to love or courtship. Ultimately, common sense needs to prevail and only you can decide what is and what is not appropriate for you. With that said, I still say: don’t fall for any story that sounds too good to be true, don’t send money during the get to know each other stage of a relationship (unless the expense is minor and you decide it is not a financial burden) and let time be your friend. If red flags go off but you are not sure, at least slow down, take your time and get to know each other.
I remember watching a 60 minute show about a guy who was being scammed. He lost everything, even his house. Whatever the girl wanted, he bought. Unlike some, I did not feel sorry for the guy. I sat in wonderment thinking how he could be so stupid. Maybe he could falter one time, but to continue to send money to a lady he never met was financial suicide. He was desperate for love. A recipe for disaster. If you are this desperate for love and your judgment is that poor, do yourself a favor and don’t look for love on the internet.
Where are scammers? — E V E R Y W H E R E. They are on yahoo, youtube, myspace, online dating sites, etc. Even the big boys, like youtube (owned by google), can’t stop them. Instead they ask that members report when a person uses their site inappropriately. On Filipina Lady I ask the same. Any dating site who says they never had a scammer is probably lying or they are super unaware. There are times that members will not report a scammer from embarrassment. It is better to report them. On my site I do ask that you provide some evidence of scamming. I have had people falsely report someone for scamming because they were rejected by that person.
Finding love should not be a fast food mentality. It took me and my wife almost a year before we knew that it was meant to be. Oh sure, my hormones was in high gear, but I knew that true love was about commitment, time and a lifetime of happiness. For me, it worked. Whatever time table you are on may not be the same as mine, but if you think you are in love within a few emails and a couple of chats, you may want to step back and assess your judgment. For me, years later, I’m more in love with my wife than I ever was. I wake up every morning knowing I’m with someone who loves me for me. No doubts, no questions – the love and respect is mutual and will last a lifetime.
Good luck and happy holidays to all.
By: Filipina Eyes
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